Monday, March 31, 2014

Germany & Russia are reading my blog

    According to the stats, Germany and Russia are reading my blog. So I just want to say, CRIMEA ISN'T WORTH FIGHTING OVER! WE FOUND THIS OUT IN THE NINETEENTH CENTURY AND IT'S STILL TRUE. Also, why THE Ukraine? Is there some OTHER Ukraine we might be confusing it with? This bothers me almost as much as the Crimea thing. (Crimea also has a definite article, but at least it's a peninsula.)
    Tell everyone you know, particularly Putin, and get back to me.

Sunday, March 30, 2014

Baseball stuff

    Downtown U. (a.k.a. the University of South Carolina) has a very, very good baseball team. They won consecutive national championships a few years ago and then played in the championship game the year after that. This year I don't think anyone was exactly expecting that kind of performance, but they have surprised us pleasantly, hanging around the top 20 all year and more recently clocking in at either #1 or 2.
    Friday was an inclement weather day in town. The baseball game against the University of Tennessee started late and was dogged by rain all evening. Tennessee led all game but the Gamecocks (Downtown U.) caught up by the ninth. The teams played three scoreless innings until the rain picked up. Officials started a rain delay at midnight, which struck me as crazy. Not surprisingly, the game was eventually postponed until Saturday.
    Saturday, the game resumed. There was another scoreless inning and then the Gamecocks won it in the bottom of the 14th on a home run.
    The regular Saturday game started an hour later. Our coach made a very unorthodox move by having the regular Saturday starter pitch the completion of the Friday game and then start the Saturday game, too. This didn't look too brilliant when Tennessee went ahead 6-0. But in the end, it worked out. By the 9th inning, SC had scraped back to 6-3. Max Schrock hit a two-run homer to pull within one. Then with two outs in the bottom of the ninth (as we used to say), Grayson Greiner hit a grand slam to win it 9-6.
    Now anyone curious about South Carolina's baseball fortunes can look up the scores on the Internet. I'm not actually writing all this to publicize the team, but for back story. (Hey, at least I skipped the batters between the home runs, right?) I had two points.
    First, I ran an errand during the late innings of the official Saturday game. The Gamecocks were trailing, but they're the much better team, they've already shown a capacity for late-inning heroics, and they're playing at home. Nevertheless, I passed near the stadium four times and all four times I was stopped by police to let fans in garnet and black (our colors) leaving the stadium cross the road.
    Not that they were leaving in vast numbers, mind you, but the stadium only holds 8 or 9,000. And neither am I criticizing them for leaving early. No, my point is that NONE of these people are ever going to admit that they weren't there for the game-ending grand slam! Instead I imagine that some multiple of those 9,000 will claim that they were there.
    The second point is that the Gamecocks won two games without ever having the lead until the very last at-bat. Today, though, Tennessee has us right where they want us. We've been leading all the way. They've finally figured it out!

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Hey, the upgrade upgraded something!

    I still haven't noticed many changes since the massive Windows Phone upgrade, but in one regard it really is an upgrade. The phone camera has a zoom, but it was very frustrating. You would unpinch to zoom in, but it would only work maybe one in four times, often as not snapping an unwanted photo instead. When it did work, it was very jerky, going straight from zoomed out to zoomed in. Now it zooms much more smoothly. Granted, the pictures are about the same, which is to say grainy when zoomed in. But at least it's a lot frustrating.
    The very alert reader will remember that Paul and then I discovered after an embarrassingly long time that our smart phone cameras would zoom. It occurs to me that we may not have been such dumb bunnies as we had thought and that possibly the zoom feature had been added to both phones on an earlier update. I mean, you have a new phone and you like photography; you're probably going to try everything, including pinching and unpinching the screen to zoom the camera. Of course, I'm relaxed about being a dumb bunny and reckon that Paul is, too, at least for comedy purposes. I for one look forward to the next upgrade, which will allow my car to fly and also fold up into a suitcase.

Friday, March 28, 2014

More thrift store blithering

    I'm grumpissimo today, so bear with me; I'll try to behave.
    Latest all-cotton shirts purchased from Goodwill rumpled up pretty good after washing, defeating my brilliant strategy. That was to buy used cotton clothing figuring that that way I would find up how it holds up after washing. The shortcoming in this strategy is that apparently not everything in Goodwill is used. (I mean, I know the stuff that still has the original tags from the original store is new, but apparently other stuff is new, too.) Either that, or some nut was getting their flannel shirts professionally laundered.
    So I figure I'll just keep buying shirts until I find more that will machine-wash and come out relatively unrumpled. I would think it's a fool's errand if I hadn't already found a few. Perhaps I should just save time and effort, declare those a miracle, and just order from J. Crew like the '80sist I am. Anyway, I'm still finding interesting stuff at the thrifts, so as long as that goes on or until I get bored, I think I'll carry on.
    One thought I had was how to profit from the weird concentration of good big & tall men's clothing at thrifts. I should go around to a vintage store, see if they already have a B&T section, and whether they do or not, see if they're interested in lots of that kind of merchandise. Because what's really frustrating about shopping in thrifts is finding all this great stuff, especially on clearance racks, that I can't possibly wear. If I could resell it at a profit, though, hunting through all that stuff would suddenly be a lot more fun, or anyway interesting and profitable. A thought, at least.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Paradise

    I mentioned it last week or so when I bought two PC game bundles totalling 9 games. Essentially though, there were only two games, the two by Benoit Sokal, Paradise and Syberia 2. Back when Alice and I first lived together, I interested her in point-and-click adventure games, especially those by Sokal. She went on to The Sims and then to Wheel of Fortune on the phone. I don't know if she stayed a gamer or not post-John. I rather hope not; I feel like a bad influence.
    Either way, Sokal makes these lovely, if frustrating games. As I mentioned before, one (or anyway I) frequently has to resort to walkthroughs online. This isn't so much because the puzzles are difficult, but usually because the item you have to act on on the screen is hard to see, or doesn't appear unless you talk to somebody first, or other tricky stuff like that. But in the end, they are fun games. Mostly.
    I appreciate that comparatively few people are likely to pick up a PC game from 10 or so years ago, but somebody might. And I'm certainly not going to write another walkthrough or post a lot of spoilers. But if anyone out there is thinking of playing Paradise, whether because you're a Sokal fan or because you found it cheap, you probably should know in advance that almost everyone you meet in the game winds up dying. This game is not for children. Granted, the deaths are off-screen, but in some ways that makes it worse. Or maybe cheaper. This is the Greek tragedy of PC games. I'm not sorry I played, but the ick factor is noticeable. I won't likely play it again, but I hardly ever play this kind of game again, so that probably isn't a result of the deaths. And yes, I was warned that the game is set during a civil war. But I was kind of expecting to stop the bloodshed. Anyway, there you are. If anyone is surfing about thinking of buying Paradise by Benoit Sokal, just be warned. It's good, it's worthwhile, but it's disturbing and not necessarily in the good, thought-provoking way. Also you hardly get to play with the leopard at all.

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

What THAT was all about

    What all that smart phone disagreeableness was about was that it really really really really REALLY wanted an update. It kept checking, too. It was like a little kid needing to pee: "Gotta go NOW!" Finally, I changed the settings such that it wouldn't check for updates anymore nor try to get one. I mean I wouldn't mind, but it kept checking and then saying that I had to connect to WiFi to download the update because of my settings, even though there isn't any place to change those settings to get the phone update via the cellular network.
    Not that I would have wanted to. Today, I finally went to Barnes and Noble and spent the morning feigning interest in the printed word while letting my phone use their free WiFi to update itself finally. This took, and I only exaggerate slightly, 113 years. So presumably it would have taken somewhat longer via the cell network.
    Best was when it was all downloaded, and then another 100 years of solitude went by while it was getting ready to install, then it was 100% ready to install. This was another little joke on the part of Microsoft or Nokia (yeah I know, same thing) because it was another geologic era before it was in fact ready to install. By then I had become fed up and in fact went home to feed, period; the OK Really Ready message came in the car. Then the actual installation took all of lunch, and now finally I'm good to go. So far Lumia Black doesn't seem any different than Lumia Amber (and no, I'm not making these up); I'm just relieved that the darned thing works, particularly my WiFi hotspot.
    So the blog lives on. I know how relieved both of my readers must be.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

A cunning plan

    I've been of two minds for a year or more about the car situation. The problems are many. For one thing, I really like my now 20 year old car, but it's hideous. Also, it would be better if I drove a car with better head and leg room because Dad is so tall. So I have dithered and dithered and meanwhile the old car has accumulated more and more miles and thus needs more and more work. I keep putting it off (as it's preventative maintenance rather than anything leading to imminent danger), thinking I'm probably about to trade it in anyway.
    The vehicle I most want to buy is a Scion XB. They are little, itty and bitty, yet have astonishing head and leg room. But the only useful test drive is to take Dad to dialysis in it and I'm not sure that Toyota/Scion would really be enthusiastic about a test drive for that purpose. Although I'm sure it could be arranged, I thought of a better plan. I could lease the Scion for a month. If after a week, I find we love it, I could go ahead and buy it. If not, I could get the repairs done on the Camry, but with no "gotta get it done immediately! I gotta take my Dad to dialysis tomorrow!" pressure. I know nothing about car leasing except that it's usually over a longer term, but it's worth investigating. Anyway, I like this plan!
    I am writing this on Tuesday, but the phone (and thus its WiFI hotspot) is being very disagreeable. So it may not appear on Tuesday. But I didn't skip a day!:)

Monday, March 24, 2014

Time for Timer!

    When I was a child, there were some very odd PSAs on Saturday morning TV featuring a character called Timer. Wikipedia explains a bit about the what and who and how, though since editors are apparently not too happy with the Time for Timer entry, maybe repeating information from it would be less than useful.
    Timer was a character aimed at teaching children about nutrition. I was a fairly big child by 1973 (we'll trust Wikipedia that far). I remember that my reaction was then, and would be now, primarily, "MY GOD, WHAT IS THAT THING???!!!" Because Timer was a yellow uh, thing, with a face I guess and arms and apparently a pocket watch, who sang and danced, mostly about cheese. I always thought he was from the Cheese Council. It's a surprise to find that this stuff was supposed to be educational, or about good nutrition. It's also maybe slightly odd that this was on ABC at the same time they were educating us about math, grammar, history and I don't know what all else because I hit puberty in Schoolhouse Rock. The 60s were good to ABC, I guess.
    I speak as somebody just moving the Drinking Liberally chapter I host to a vegan raw-food place. Maybe I'll get a hankerin' for a hunk o' cashew cheese.

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Google, Bing Fu improving

    I continue very enthusiastic about the new trail across the river in Cayce. My friend Steve asked me if there was a map, and I found one! http://www.scana.com/NR/rdonlyres/F62FA7DC-743D-4F04-ABB1-88BE9E47589D/0/Walking_Trail_Map312thousandyearparkphoto.pdf It clarifies the name situation a bit; let's see if I can follow along. There is a trail on SCANA Corporation land (that's the local power company, for folks not from around here) called the Timmerman Trail. It's been there at least a year. I had thought that it was being extended, but no! The new trail segments are an extension of the Cayce Riverwalk (part of the Three Rivers Greenway, which is how it's labeled on the PDF). And the 12,000 Year Park, still in the future, but the land has been cleared for the Visitors Center at least. Whether it will have its own additional trails is unclear from the map.
    The entire project is part of something called Otarre Pointe. I'm not sure who Otarre is or was, nor where there might be a point. But that silent e on the end makes me crazy. Unless ballet shoes are somehow involved, I'm pretty sure there isn't any, uh, point. But I'll try to overlook it if they build me a nice park.

Saturday, March 22, 2014

Detailed dialogue

    As I mention oftener than not, I usually play old time radio shows while I'm sleeping. It's frustrating, because the episodes have varying volume levels, being compiled (by someone other than me) from various sources. Thus, some are very quiet, and some are very loud. To keep from being awakened by one of the LOUD ones blasting me out of bed, I have to keep the volume level low enough that the quiet ones are sometimes completely inaudible.
    And this is frustrating, because sometimes I wake up in the night and want to listen to whatever episode is on. The purpose of having the radio shows is mostly to drown out a noisy neighborhood (not that the neighbors are rude, but the railroads are a bit) but sometimes I do want to listen.
    So last night I cranked the volume a bit. I wound up waking at 4, somewhat overheated, and then had disturbed dreams the rest of the night. The one that got me was when I had a hotel room all to myself, went to sleep, and then found a dozen people in there with me, like it was a bar or restaurant only with me sleeping there. And one guy went on and on and on about the time when his wife was about to have a baby but it wasn't their first baby but he was still nervous and so he started drinking a bit and on and on and why I mention it is that it seemed like an unlikely soliloquy to be coming from the old time radio show "Escape," so presumably somebody in the radio show was droning on and on and my brain just supplied its own words for reasons of its own. I will agree that a longish story about a boring thing is not inherently interesting, but I just found it very odd that my brain was inventing detailed dialogue to fit a radio show I couldn't quite hear. Or possibly a dozen people opened a bar in my apartment last night, one of them a little too talkative, and were gone by morning. I mean, who knows?

Friday, March 21, 2014

Kiss of death

    There's a radio station in this town called Rock 93.5. Anyway, there was. I never listened to it because there are enough oldies stations here that I can usually find a song I like better than what they play. But I had no kicks against them.
    As I've mentioned a few hundred times, my radio antenna is broken. So I can't pick up weak signals anymore. Or even strong ones, often as not. So I had to rearrange my radio presets. One oldies station bit the dust to be replaced by Rock 93.5. And I was enjoying it. I still prefer the oldies, but they were good about not playing stuff with autotune (my only real objection to new music) so it was fine.
    Today, they went away. The station only broadcasts an endless loop promo for another station (one of the oldies stations I listen to more regularly, ironically enough), which apparently is going to be more rocky. Thus presumably less oldie. Ah well. It reminds me of when I moved back to Columbia and crazy-mad loved an AM station called 1230 Rock. For about one summer, then it went away. Apparently, having me for a listener is the kiss of death for Columbia rock radio.
    I should probably note that 1230 Rock had a very short run, but 93.5 had been around for ages. No idea why it suddenly got unprofitable, but then, 102.3 (the classic rock station now promoted on 93.5) has a stronger signal, so maybe this is actually a promotion for the rock format and maybe 93.5 becomes oldies, a demotion for that format. (They call it CLASSIC rock; I call it oldies. I didn't much care for classic Coke, either.) Now to go out and see if aluminum foil and duct tape will do a better job of reviving my car antenna than just duct tape! Betting is against it.

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Wait-- are there brown cats?

    I dreamed last night that I had a brown cat. And of course I do-- in places. Amelia is mostly white and largely black and very slightly brown. And it's strange that she is quite clearly brown in that spot but I never seem to see any brown cats.
    This being the Internet, it's very easy to find out if there are any. It turns out that breeders developed a type called the Havana Brown, unarguably a brown cat. Pretty, too, but I don't know if they ever caught on. As I say, I don't ever see any. It's pretty much a Siamese with a tan.
    The brown cat in my dream was pretty much like my only partly brown one in real life, in that I was mainly concerned about her escaping. Not that Amelia ever tries to escape, but I still manage to worry about it. This is a cat who famously sits and stares at a door that's partly open rather than pawing it open herself. Then again, she certainly has me trained.
    The rest of the dream was a bewilderment, but since I remember very little of it, you are largely spared. There was a certain matter of swimming involved, which somehow spared my cell phone, a model from a previous decade that I don't believe I ever owned in real life. I was constantly trying to call and get my messages but I could never quite remember the number. Make something out of that, Dr. Freud. My sister and my elder brother were around, and my dad. I'm not sure if the woman he was with was my mom or his sweetheart or somebody imaginary. He seemed to be getting around better than in real life, though.
    Sorry; not much point to this one. Would you like me to add a picture of a Havana Brown? they're very cute!

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Latest iteration

    I may have posted a very similar recipe already, but I had a request for this specific one. This is the continuing exploration of making cookies with cocoa butter and brown rice flour. To the requester: you get most of this stuff at Rosewood Market. The cocoa butter chunks are in Health and Beauty, as I said. The local honey is towards the back and right. Unsulphered, unsweetened organic shredded coconut is also packaged by Rosewood Market (like the cocoa butter) is also towards the back but in the middle of the store. Staff are incredibly nice and will point you the right way. I use Bob's Red Mill brown rice flour, which I got at some Publix or other. I get the walnuts, vanilla, raisins and cocoa from Aldi; also eggs when I use one. I think I got the Chia seed (when I use that instead) from Rosewood Market. I should note that all this stuff costs a million dollars.
Ingredients:
A package of cocoa butter chunks (these run about 1.5-2 oz by weight, which turns out to be about 1/2 cup liquid volume)
1/4 cup honey
1 egg OR 1T chia seeds + 1/4 cup purified water thrown in a blender. I've had more success throwing the seeds in first.
1t cocoa. This is just for me, as I'm incredibly caffeine sensitive. You'll be MUCH more happy with 1T.
1t vanilla
1/3 cup unsweetened unsulphered coconut
1/2 cup brown rice flour
1 oz (lunch-type) box of raisins
1 cup chopped walnuts
Heroin, to taste

    First, melt your cocoa butter. Throw in a small sauce pan, cover, put on medium heat. Keep an eye out; it takes maybe five minutes to melt the stuff.
    As with any recipe, you want to start by mixing your liquid ingredients. Problem here is that honey isn't all that liquid and egg might get cooked by the now-hot cocoa butter. This is one reason I prefer chia seed paste. (The other is I like to soft bake and it's dangerous to undercook eggs; chia seeds shouldn't present this problem.)
    You might want to preheat your oven to 325 now.
    I use the melted cocoa butter to help get the dang honey out of the measuring cup. This also helps cool it down a bit so it won't cook the egg. Add egg (or chia paste), cocoa and vanilla. Stir until your arm falls off (hereinafter, SUYAFO).
    Add coconut, SUYAFO, brown rice flour, SUYAFO, raisins, SUYAFO, walnuts and finally, SUYAFO. I stress all this stirring because my cookies turn out mostly very nice but then some taste like shoe polish. So I think that more mixing is needed. The dough that you wind up with looks like all STUFF. All walnuts and coconuts and raisins and you'll wonder if there's going to be any cookie at all. There is. All that stuff vanishes. So feel free to add MORE stuff. It could probably take more raisins and walnuts and coconut. And as I say cocoa if you can handle the hard stuff.
    I spoon these out onto parchment paper on my available pans, which are a pizza pan and a regular baking pan. Obviously a cookie sheet would be ideal. I cook them 15 minutes. They'd be firmer and browner with more time and you'd be more confident that the egg is fully cooked, but I'm not sure they would be better. And nobody's died yet.
    It's a good idea to let them cool for 5 minutes, then flip them so they don't stick down. They're really wonderful fresh out of the oven, but you don't know what they're really like until they're fully cooled and the cocoa butter is solid again. So try to save a few so you find out!

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

A stinkburger

    There's a store in this town called 2d and Charles. Presumably it's a chain, as there's neither a 2d nor a Charles anywhere in this city. Regardless, it's mainly a used bookstore with a good offering of CDs, LPs, and games, also used. I was amused that after searching for years for "The Green Ripper" by John D. MacDonald and finding a copy in a thrift store a few weeks ago to find two here.
    But it was in the used PC game section where I had the most fun. Used PC games are hardly carried by anybody anymore, so I was well-pleased to find any at all. My favorite genre is the point-and-click adventure, the first choice for all of us lacking eye-hand coordination. I found a compilation of 7 games, including at least two by the master, Benoit Sokal. I did forget what it is that made him the master, though; his games are very frustrating. At the moment, I'm mired in Paradise. My resolve to avoid resorting to walkthroughs is getting weaker every minute.
    But the other game is the stinkburger. The first problem is that it doesn't play well on a laptop, due to the lack of a mouse, and I don't feel like buying a USB mouse just to play a $5 used game. But to the extent it does play, there are failures in logic that are just insane. I take a photograph, then I swab the photograph, then I put the swabbing product in a centrifuge. Now why couldn't I just swab the original item (a footprint)? That would make sense! Swabbing a photograph? That's just crazy. A fun kind of crazy, though, I have to admit. If I can get the game to play using a mousepad, maybe I'll carry on. I mean, I gotta find out what I swabbed off of that photograph!

Monday, March 17, 2014

Can't trust those knives!

    There's a new grocery store in this town. It's in the IGA chain, but inexplicably is called KJ's. (I always want to call it KT's, showing I guess my dinosaur extinction obsession.) I visited once; finding the gluten-free offerings either minimal or incredibly well-hidden, I decided that I probably wouldn't be returning often. However, they had a knife that I thought might be useful, so I returned to buy one.
    When I got it to the register, it fell out of its plastic and cardboard packaging, scaring the checker apparently. She went and found some tape and taped down one side. (This didn't help; then the knife just fell out of the other side.) Then she put it in an ice cream bag, then put that in two plastic bags. She was going to smother that damn knife!
    If she'd just waited before running off to find the tape, I would have told her that I wasn't worried about it and I was pretty sure that I could handle it. Paul's suggestion that I say I needed it loose because I was going to use it to stab somebody was much funnier although probably not the best idea in real life.
    And the knife? Well, it turned out to be almost what I wanted. Described as a 5 1/2 inch serrated cook's knife, it should have been exactly what I wanted. The size is right and it's actually sturdy enough, unlike most inexpensive knives. But I guess they put too much faith in the serration. It just isn't sharp enough. I don't mean for cutting up anything hard; I mean for cutting up an avocado and a cucumber. It did do reasonably well at peeling the cucumber, so there's that. But the search for the knife of my dreams continues.

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Revised thrift store strategy

    One thing I notice with thrift store purchases is that some labels are consistently good. Some of those are also from mail order outfits. So one shrewd idea would be to identify which of these are best and then order new stuff from those companies via the Internet.
    The big drawback to this strategy is that some thrift store stuff is older than others. This is to say that the companies might have changed suppliers since making the good stuff I found in thrift stores. This actually happened to me already. I once found brilliant Land's End chinos. When they wore out, I ordered new ones, but these were made in China, and poorly.
    I guess the shrewdest move is to start going to vintage clothes store and let them do all the hunting through thrift stores for me. Or maybe I should go into that business myself. That might be fun!

Saturday, March 15, 2014

Excuse my tree

    Yesterday afternoon, late but not quite dark yet, the guy from next door knocked on my door. He said that a tree from his yard was leaning into my yard and that he and his friends were going to cut it up. I told him that it isn't my house, but that it was OK by me. Then in an unaccustomed burst of common sense, I texted the landlord about it. From my window, it looked like a tree leaning far into our yard. I went out and examined it and found that it was actually a gigantic tree limb but the key point was that it was dangling just above my power line. He suggested that I find the neighbor and let them talk to each other.
    I didn't find him, but I found his friend with the chainsaw, who turns out to be a professional in the tree business doing this for my neighbor as a favor. My landlord and he chatted on my phone and the latter reassured the former that he knew what he was doing. And he did. He sawed the limb up in what seemed like seconds, and I still have power. There was a cable that looked like a TV cable also running from house to house and that is now on the ground. But apparently that was the old cable; Brian in the other half of the house has cable and though he's out of town, he says his Internet is still working and he gets that via cable. So in short, no harm done.
    The subtext here is that Captain Alert himself, your correspondent here, hadn't noticed that there was a tree (or a limb as big as a tree) resting against his roof and dangling over his power line. I should maybe look around the yard a little more.

Friday, March 14, 2014

ALMOST brilliant

    My Casio is very nice, but on some of the best tones (which is what Casio calls the individual synthesized instruments, for example the Hammond B3, in Casioese the drawbar) the sound tends to break up, crackle or both when you (or I) play with both hands. This doesn't matter a lot, since the cat shows up for scritches every time I start playing (Casioing when the cat lets me), but still I would avoid it if I can. The built-in speakers are good-sized and mostly perform well, but I was wondering if external speakers might work better.
    The jack in back is for old-fashioned headphones; unfortunately I don't have any. I looked around at thrift stores to see if I could find any speakers (or headphones) with that kind of plug, but I could not. I did find some large computer speakers with the standard stereo earphone plug (just like the computer speakers I already have has).
    I went to Radio Shack and got an adapter for $6. I learned a lot in a hurry. My old beat up Walkman type headphones are way better than earbuds, and also better than the Casio's speakers (which the earbuds weren't. The computer speakers I have are OK as computer speakers but awful as Casio external speakers. Still, I figured better computer speakers are better (THERE'S a hunk of logic, as Charlie McCarthy would have said), so I got a pair for $12 from the Pets Inc. thrift store. I figured that even if they're awful, too, at least it's a good cause.
    They were awful, too. Not as awful as the ones I had already, but very bad, much worse than the built in speakers. However, they're better than the built-in speakers on my laptop. Unlike those, I can hear music on the laptop from more than 5 feet away. Granted, I have the left speaker on the right and vice versa, but I think I'll live. And I can listen to my Casioing on headphones now, which makes me a better neighbor. The cat doesn't care; she shows up for scritches just the same.

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Yes, I'd like to report a non-break-in and non-theft

    Last night was very very very windy. So much so, that I could almost imagine somebody taking refuge in my car. However, whether it was to hide from the wind or for more nefarious purposes, somebody definitely was in my car last night, and relaxed about letting me know about it. They tossed my tapes and sunglasses around, but didn't hurt anything nor as far as I can tell did they steal anything.
    You may be wondering how they got in, or if you read the subject line, you may be wondering why my car was unlocked. Unfortunately, when a car gets up in years, the keys start working less well. My car, at 20, is often loath to let me, its legal and registered owner, in, especially when the weather is a little cooler. We should be on our last cold snap of the year (knock on wood!) so door locking will be recommencing approximately tomorrow.
    Somehow I just can't feel all hot and bothered about this. Even if they had found the two or three million dollars I keep in the trunk (hidden behind the bodies, of course), I would have just chalked it up to me being stupid rather than worrying about my dangerous neighborhood. Now if they had taken my cassette of "Flood" by They Might Be Giants or "March" by Michael Penn, that would be another thing!

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Extra bewildered

    I'm coming to terms with the idea that I'm not from this planet, that I wasn't made for this world, and that I'm never going to figure things out. In other words, I don't mind not getting the Big Picture. It's not getting the small picture that's starting to get on my nerves.
    Some time ago, I finally gave up on using regular brown rice in favor of instant brown rice. The latter is only instant relative to regular brown rice, but it's quicker and more reliable for a person like me who can mess up boiling water. I usually buy the boxed variety from Aldi, though the boxed variety from Publix appears to be identical. Today, due to keen anal retentiveness, I had an open box from Aldi, an unopened box from Aldi, and an unopened box from Publix I bought today. The old box from Aldi (which judging by the Best By dates is actually the new box from Aldi), anyway the open one, directs one to simmer the rice for 5 minutes. The new (or previously unopened) box from Aldi says to go for 12 minutes. The Publix one also votes for 5.
    Now I didn't have enough rice in the old box to produce the "What if Napoleon's Grande Armee drops by?" quantities that I prefer, so I had to mix them, and that's when I noticed the conflicting directions. I split the difference, more or less, and went with 10 minutes which seemed to work. But I'm still puzzled. Both boxes say they contain parboiled brown rice. Only difference is that the long directions box also says Made in the USA. Maybe we don't know how to parboil in the USA? Anyway, they could at least label the box Increasingly Less Instant Brown Rice, don't you think?
    This was going to be about something just as puzzling, but less supper-related (one hopes). At Target, on the clearance rack, they were selling Superman boxer shorts. Attached was a small brown paper bag, also featuring the Superman shield. Now at first, this was what was puzzling me, but at length I figured out that it was meant to be a gift bag and you would fold up the boxers and put them in, thus surprising and delighting your potential Man of Steel. But what bewilders me now is that the boxers and indeed the bag were both distressed, as in the Superman shield looked worn and bedraggled. This would make it the great sarcastic gift of all time, but I can't really see what the DC & Warner Brothers (according to the labelling, they were in on it) people were thinking. The only thing that doesn't bewilder me is why it was on the clearance rack.

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Thrift store clothes

    One thing that bewilders me is why there's so much big & tall clothing for men in thrift stores. Apparently it's a big secret that's being kept from big and tall men, since I never see any of them shopping in thrifts. I understand that most people are average-sized and that thus clothes for average-sized folks tend to move through quickly while the stuff for non-average-sized people stays and accumulates. But it's still frustrating.
    I'm not actually shopping in thrift stores out of cheapness, but from laziness at one remove. Granted, shopping in thrift stores wastes a lot of time before you find anything decent. But I like only natural fibers, especially all cotton, and I've found by bitter experience that buying new cotton clothes from department stores leaves you poorer and one wash later, very rumpled looking unless you like ironing, and I don't. Nor do I have an iron or ironing board, nor any skills with an iron.
    The big plus to thrifts is you find out if the cotton items are resistant to wrinkles or not. Of course, often it turns out that the items that look wrinkle-free had been professionally cleaned and starched, and a wash or two later you're just as rumpled as with the department store clothes. But you're not poorer by as much. (THAT was the unphraseable sentence.)
    Frankly, I always dug looking through thrift stores, trying to find cool stuff and still do except that I just don't have time to do it properly. Where's that Instant Sizer/ Instant Fabric Identifier app that I need? Now that would be useful!

Monday, March 10, 2014

And then we never heard from Steve again...

    I was so enthusiastic about the new Timmerman/ 12,000 Year Park trail that I blithered about it at length in the Drinking Liberally weekly email. To my surprise, I got a call a couple hours later from my friend Steve who said that he and his daughter were there and he couldn't see any difference. So I told him how to find the new bridge and what's best to do on the other side and apologized that the best parts were such a long way away. I felt like a hiking author again! It was great. But I sure hope it doesn't turn out like that lady who bought my hiking book and is still on the trails of Table Rock State Park somewhere. (JOKE! JOKE! Really!)
    Dad had a cardiologist appointment today, except when we got there we found that they had canceled it. It didn't bother me any; he's the one who gets winded walking ten steps. I suggested that so he wouldn't have this happen again, he might want to call and verify that his appointment is still happening. Too many doctors use robots to call you to tell you that your appointment has been canceled; this doesn't work too well for hearing-impaired nonagenarians.
    Oh, and I had the silliest dream ever last night! It's good that I had other stuff to blog about, because I only remember a very little. My brother Bill needed his car repaired, including getting leopardskin seats. He needed me to give him a ride to pick it up. But they said it would be at an address that should be in my neighborhood. But they also gave five numbers, which I put into my roughly football-shaped device (I kept having to look at the screen on back to make sure I was putting them in right) and it said that the car would be in Abercorn, British Columbia, which in the dream was a tropical island in the Pacific. So I drove him there. Couldn't have taken more than an hour! Even in my sleep, I thought it was pretty funny.

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Vast enthusiasm

    They've completed the trails for the 12,000 Year Park in Cayce, which I have no doubt called the 10,000 Year Park more than once, because I can't count and also want to help it lie about its age. My enthusiasm knows no bounds, but you probably can't tell since I walked the whole route not to long ago and didn't carry any water (since it was wintertime up until about five minutes ago) so my head is again not at its best. But for a better reason than usual.
    There is absolutely no signage for the 12,000 Year Park, nor any indications where parking lots, visitor centers, etc. might go if indeed they go anywhere. It may be that the 12,000 Year Park was an elaborate prank, a last-ditch try at selling newspapers. However, what is definitely there, the Timmerman Trail, has been expanded markedly, and is now a definite boon to the area and a wonderful place to visit. Granted, it's a cement trail and a lot of it passes through new pine and natural gas pipeline right-of-ways (this being next to the power company's headquarters on one side, operations center on another, and built by said power company) but the good stuff is very good. Today, after all the rains, Congaree and Six Mile Creek were quite flooded and extra pretty. The trail was nice and dry, all pedestrian bridges were open and operable, and and and it was so cool!
    They still have to put in light fixtures and benches and whatnot, and as I say, more convenient parking might be pretty keen. The park that was under discussion was supposed to be equivalent to a national park, so a visitor center with rangers ought to be in the works; no idea whether this will ever come to pass. But it's already a terrific place to walk, bike or jog. Hopefully, all 600,000 people in the Columbia area don't decide to come do so all at once. But hey, it'll be fun!

Saturday, March 8, 2014

Maxie

    As I mention now and again, I usually listen to old-time radio while I sleep. Or preferably, play it to drown out other ambient noise without actually listening. Last night, I woke in the night and did some listening. The program was called "Mysterious Traveler"; the episode, I'm pretty sure, was called "Hide Out."
    Our plot: A very ugly kid tried to mug a prosperous-looking citizen. The citizen, however, turns out to be a gang boss and also very strong. He overpowers the kid, but is impressed not with his moxie but with how ugly he is. (As we say, I'm not making this up.) He makes the ugly kid his driver.
    The ugly kid is a very good driver and saves the boss' life with his skills. They become friends. Years pass. The boss is in trouble, about to be sent to prison by an ambitious prosecutor. He tells Maxie (the ugly guy is Maxie; forgot to mention that, didn't I?) not to visit him in prison, but to get a menial job and be prepared to have a hideout ready for him, years hence. (I'm pretty sure I'm not making this up either, but maybe I dreamed it.)
    Maxie becomes watchman in a building that was never completed. The boss is released, but then goes after the prosecutor who imprisoned him and kills him. Maxie knows this but nevertheless has the boss' hideout ready, a giant coal bin in the basement of the building. (It's a really big building!)
    Upshot is that the prosecutor was Maxie's long-lost but much adored brother, the building was finally about to be completed, and Maxie had the coal guy dump tons of coal on his mob boss. (He was very sad about it, though.) I've heard the episode often and know the ending well. This time I fell asleep about 2/3 way through and dreamed the rest. The coal bin magically had been given an extra exit, and the boss got away. I found him in the basement of my Dad's house and put him on an airplane. I didn't approve of his actions, though, and made him promise to change his ways and not to go killing any more prosecutors. I don't know what happened to the attractive women who had also been added to the coal bin since I left the actual old-time radio show. My dreaming mind has no kind of priorities.

Friday, March 7, 2014

Brain go byebye

    I don't know if it's because of the gloomy weather or because I'm trying to go too far on too few lentils, but I don't seem to have much going on upstairs anymore. (Perhaps you've noticed.) I also seem to be puzzled or perplexed by a much greater percentage of the world's phenomena than previously. And that's saying something.
    Today it was the Loksmif. I was behind an Econoline van with that vanity tag. I passed on his left, expecting to see a company name on the door, but there was none. Being no fan of advertising, I was of course thrilled on one level not to see any, but also puzzled. If you're going to shell out for a vanity plate that promotes the fact that you're a locksmith with limited spelling skills, it seems you'd at least put your business name and phone number on your door. Heck, even I would. Perhaps he's Lancelot Link, the Secret Loksmif. But then, why go with the vanity plate? I tell you, I am easily puzzled.
    Here's an item that doesn't puzzle me particularly, but pleasantly surprised me. I have always loved the scent of the flowers of the linden tree, dating to encountering them when walking the walls of York in England. (OK, I loved the one that used to be on the Horseshoe at the University of South Carolina, too, but that sounds so much less exotic.) I always wondered if it could be made into tea, along the lines of jasmine. And now I find, in of all places discount grocer (and near Aldi clone) Sav-A-Lot, linden (or tilo) tea bags. And so I ask my readers if any of you (either of you) have ever tried this? I'm... thinking about it. Maybe it'll be good for brain go byebye.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Dreams are just anachronistic

    Or so it seems. I have a lot of dreams featuring my mother, now gone these 10 1/2 years. And now I have a slew (that can't be right, can it? Apparently it is) of dreams that involve playing computer games. Although I still play computer games, sort of, these dream ones are the kind with graphics and plot, the kind I quit trying to find years ago. Of course, being dreams, they also turn into movies and then real life.
    An interwoven plot that seems to have been in my dreams forever is trying to find road food. I'm looking for a chain, sort of a cross between Stuckey's and Waffle House, except good. And looking. And looking. Every one I find has just closed, it seems like. It's a place I always loved and long for; the reader can probably guess that there is no such road food chain in real life.
    My dream night before last was so food-centered that I finally said "heck with it" and just woke up. There was also a video game, with picture in picture movies featuring Will Ferrell and Steve Carell (whose names should rhyme, but don't). Then my assignment in the game was to go to some diner-type restaurant, except outdoors (did I mention that this is a dream?) with all my friends (did I mention that this is a dream?) and fill all the tables just to be pests. The fifty-something waitress was fairly annoyed, but eventually revealed that they had a curry special that I could eat. Hell, I'm even gluten-free in my sleep. This all followed on a great deal of the trying unsuccessfully to find Stuckle House locations.
    Last night's dream was less food and video game oriented, but still odd. The vivid part was losing a frisbee down a sewer and dangling down to find it. Although I found it easily, I also saw a skeleton of a monkey also dangling. Even in my sleep, I thought, "How the hell did that get there?"
    The rest of the dream involved arranging a train trip up the Eastern seaboard, which for some reason involved another train trip within a train trip. I was trying to get a young lady to accept the ticket within a ticket for a trip that she needed to take. As usual with my dreams, it was unclear whether this was supposed to be a real person or someone wholly imaginary. I've GOT to start annotating in my sleep!

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Even less

    Now I think I'm trying to set some kind of record for least important blog entry. But seriously, I thought it was interesting. Also it's something I never noticed in all these very many years.
    For decades, I've understood that if a trucker signals that he wants to change lanes to get in front of you, you flash your headlights to signal that that's OK. But in all these years, I never noticed the countersign, until yesterday when it happened twice. I think it must have been the brake lights, although regular tail lights would make more sense. If he flipped his lights on and off just as I had done, the tail lights would flash as well, which is a lot safer. But it looked more like brake lights, as if he tapped the brake just enough to engage them but not enough to do any braking. Obviously I don't know enough about trucks to tell brake lights from tail lights with any major confidence. Anyway, I just thought it was interesting, per se, and as I say, that it took me all that long to notice.
    Drinking Liberally peoples, such as we are, echoed my feeling that the new cookies are OK, but not awe-inspiring. Raisins, walnuts and cinnamon may be called for. Or maybe more honey.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Waiting on cookies, verdict

    As I mentioned the other day, I made dang-near perfect cookies that I can't eat due to caffeine intolerance. Mind you, I could just go back on the sweet tea at every meal diet and get my tolerance back, but I've sort of started enjoying being able to sleep at night. So I'm making a new batch using the old, lower cocoa quantity (a teaspoon per batch). And hoping they turn out nearly as good.
    In the meantime, I got nothin'. I mean, not Pelican Snowballs nothin', but as nothinish as you can get. Here are some odd driving anecdotes. Oh dang it; forgot one. OK, I got half of nothin'; here's one driving anecdote. If it had happened to you, you probably would find most other things driven out of your head, too. I was driving along on busy six-lane Garners Ferry Road. There's a seventh lane in the middle, a left-turn lane for both directions. There was somebody in it coming from the other direction, wishing (one assumes) to turn left. And behind him was somebody who REALLY wanted to turn left farther along. So he pulled into my lane, where I was barreling toward him at 50 mph. He got around the other vehicle no problem, but it was more than a little alarming. And I mention it as an absolutely new horizon in moronitude.
    PS: The cookies are pleasant, but unlikely to lead to my first billion. Ah well.

Monday, March 3, 2014

iHallMonitor

    I discovered an oddity about iTunes. I have a lot of old mp3s. Most likely the statute of limitations has run out, but I don't think I'm going to discuss in writing where I got them. Suffice it to say that they are old mp3s of unknown origin as far as iTunes is concerned. Just as something to try, I copied and pasted a few hundred of them into iTunes and was surprised when this worked. Sort of worked. Later, when I added songs from a few new cds I'd bought to iTunes and my iPod, I found that the old mp3s hadn't made the trip to the iPod. When I tried again, I found that each file had a tiny i-in-a-circle next to it. When you scrolled over it, a popup box said that the file could not be used because the associated file could not be located.
    To shorten a very long story, all I had to do was copy the original mp3s from their cds to my hard drive. Then I had to locate one file for iTunes at the new location and iTunes was happy to find the rest. In other words, iTunes doesn't care if the files are bought, stolen, or made up; it just wants them to be on the hard drive twice, once at a separate location and once on iTunes. You don't have this problem if you rip tunes off of cds. It just seems like an exercise in making you waste disc space. My first guess was that iTunes is a narc, preventing you from using unpaid for tunes. But it seems more like a particularly officious hall monitor. I just don't see the point.

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Perfected a recipe, but I can't eat it

    So I had cut out caffeine entirely, or practically entirely, due to stomach cramps I got any time I ingested even tiny amounts. Lately, I found that the tiny amounts are OK, so I started putting cocoa by the teaspoonful in my cookie recipes. So indeed, that would be a tiny amount in each.
    These cookies evolved from the mini-muffins I've been making for years. The advantage of the mini-muffin is that the paper cup liner holds in the gooey stuff. The disadvantage is that you then have to scrape the gooey stuff off the paper with your teeth, which most people aren't willing to do in public, say. So I've been trying to make 'em into cookies instead, but the gooey stuff just stuck to the parchment paper instead. As I'm the guy who gets to eat it off the paper, I didn't find this to be the worst disaster, but still, losing the part where the flavor is is somewhat, uh, disadvantageous to the wonderfulness of a cookie.
    Now I had earlier had similar problems baking with cocoa butter and I found that brown rice flour helps markedly. This time I decided to add cocoa butter and to amp up the cocoa content as well. Brown rice flour did a good job of keeping the runniness down and led to actual cookies instead of gunk and goo. (Tasty gunk and goo, mind you, but still.) However, the resultant cookies, while mostly transcendent, are again giving me stomach cramps. Dammit.
    So I'm a bitter, bitter man, ironically because I can't have my bitter cocoa. I'll try again with the teaspoonful of cocoa and will probably increase the coconut content instead. If that version turns out, I'll share the actual recipe. But I'll still be bitter. (Dammit.):)

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Your pal John is not exactly quick on his feet

    Also his English isn't what it used to be; it took me ten tries to phrase that.
    Strictly speaking, you can't make somebody buy an extra item to get a discount. In other words, if something is buy one get one free, you have to sell one for half price. Operationally speaking, this only gets applied in supermarkets, presumably because there's a lot of competition and people complain a lot. There was one time when an auto parts store was selling brake fluid 2 for 1 but wouldn't sell me one for half price. I complained, moaned, received no satisfaction, and walked out.
    Today my smoke detector crapped out so I went to Family Dollar to get a 9V battery. Their house brand batteries were 2 for 1; I picked one. The checker charged me the full price. I realize that a) the inventory is all computerized; he couldn't have worked with me on the price if he wanted to and b) he didn't want to. (He just barely acknowledged my existence.) However, I realized after the fact that I should have wheeled, grabbed the second battery and said, "Oh, right, it's 2 for 1." I swear I used to be fairly smart once.