Hot mess

    I was trying to make a new version of pizza-free pizza. This one rests on the premise that the commercially prepared gluten-free (GF) pizza crusts made from potato and brown rice only were pretty good, and my flatbread made from potato and kale only was pretty good, so I ought to be able to make a potato and brown rice crust. Well sort of.
    I boiled a half a cup of brown rice, which probably yielded about a cup and a half. I baked four small red potatoes, forking them pretty good first and then wrapping them all in one piece of aluminum foil, for an hour at 350 degrees. I rinsed off and peeled the potatoes and dumped them on a sheet of parchment paper on a pizza pan. I preheated the oven to 400 degrees (which is as high as you can go with parchment paper), dumped the rice on top of the potatoes and set to mashing. When everything was mashalicious, I sprinkled some EV olive oil on top (because it's even grosser to the touch without doing so) and spread the potato rice mix out until it nearly filled the pan. (It's a bit hard to tell with the paper in between.)
    I tried 15 minutes, but it was still too soft. I tried another 15 minutes and it was firmer, so I ran with that. In the end, it wasn't too crust-like, so maybe next time I'll go for a total of 40 minutes at 400. Or maybe I won't; more below.
    I had bought what was supposed to be a poblano pepper, but given how hard it tried to kill me, it must have actually been a jalapeno. I sauteed a sweet onion and the pepper, also in EV olive oil, for ten minutes. I had also soaked and cooked a 1/3 cup (dry) of Great Northern beans, yielding about a cup. I also steamed a bunch of kale. And I had bought unsalted tomato sauce. I didn't mean to, but I didn't salt anything. At all. And it turned out fabulous. Just crazy kookoo wonderful.
    (Edit: I forgot to mention that I cooked it another 10 minutes at 400 with the sauce and toppings. Also that there wasn't any cheese, not even the fake kind. It just didn't need it.)
    Now it wasn't much like a pizza. The crust didn't cohere and wasn't crusty. I pretty much had to eat it with a knife and fork. Even I, reading it back, can hardly believe that pepper and onion, kale and beans on a potato and brown rice crust would be anything but boring, but it wasn't; it was brilliant. So I failed at reinventing the pizza. But I'm a champion at creating a wonderful hot mess.