Funny stuff people said to me

    Long ago, before God needed to shave, a young woman captivated me completely. That story did not have a happy ending, so we will stick to the funny part. She was fascinated by astrology. When I told her that I didn't believe in it particularly, she said the second funniest thing anyone ever said to me about me: "Of course you don't believe in astrology; you're a Gemini!"
    Not quite so long ago, in an airport, a woman accosted me with, "Was the coat-rack yours?" I was utterly non-plussed, but have always believed that if I had just kept my head and said something like, "The dew falls heavily on the Vistula," she would have handed me a dossier and my career in international espionage would have been well under way. Or at least I would have no longer been the most bewildered person in the airport. Or maybe I would have awakened in a bathtub full of ice short one kidney--who knows?
    Last year, I got my annual wintertime physical collapse out of the way early, in fact on the first Monday of the year. I had the most astonishing case of vertigo, scary enough that even as physician-phobic as I am, I called the clinic and got an appointment as soon as possible, which turned out to be the next day. The doctor I saw was a very attractive young woman, which has no bearing on the story except that I ought to get some sex appeal in this blog somewhere. She said that I was just highly congested, most especially in the ears. She prescribed a decongestant and also a stool softener she suggested I put in my ears. Thus, I was told by a trained physician that I have shit for brains. It was the funniest thing anyone ever said to me about me, and she wasn't even trying to make a joke. (She also gave me the much cheaper option of putting diluted hydrogen peroxide in my ears instead. I took it.)