For a long time, this felt like home. That was easy because for decades, I've been living by a simple kind of logic: wherever I am is home. It isn't working anymore. This seems like a strange and alien place. I don't know if this is because I'm becoming a strange and alien person. I got so used to being a useless derelict that I have to get used to being an effective and useful person.
Or maybe it just sucks being alone. Home may be where the heart is, but the heart is long, long gone.
The easy answer is, yes, life is a "Twilight Zone" episode and you've just finally seen beyond the illusion to the true reality. Digging deeper, I think, would reveal that you've been dealing with tremendous stress and heavy, consequential decisions for quite a while now, and it's weighing on you. That, plus the swirling whirlpool of isolation and loneliness that we totally single people experience. If it's any consolation I think you've been doing a tremendous job and thank God that you continue to do so. Meanwhile, maybe it's time for both of us to join "Zoosk" and every other internet dating site available to us, just to foster the vague hope that someone may be out there waiting to meet us and mingle.
ReplyDeleteI would join Zoosk just because it's called Zoosk, to be honest. I know there's somebody out there; it's getting me to try to meet and mingle that's the hard part.
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