Headed STRAIGHT for confession

    If you ever wanted to know what Hell is like, just try to change your Earthlink account. I've been paying them $22 per month for years for dial-up service. (OK, Dad paid them $22/mo for dial-up service for years; I've been paying it for a year or so.) This is ironic, since I haven't even had a land line for the last two or three of those years. But hey, I really like my cool email address.
    I had been meaning to correct this situation for ages, but month after month slid by and I never got around to it. This month however, I had a serious spur. My autopay setup uses my canceled debit card, and the new one won't arrive until after the billing date comes and goes. So I contacted Earthlink. God help me, I contacted Earthlink.
    I started with their Live Chat service and that worked great. Somebody identifying himself as Keith (SURE!) was totally helpful, telling me that I could switch to email service billing and save $14/mo. Unfortunately, he couldn't change my service through Live Chat, so I had to call Customer Service. Uh oh.
    No one will be surprised that I had to interact with computerized recorded voices. Unfortunately (there's that word again) I couldn't answer many of the required questions, not having dealt with Earthlink in ages. So I just kept yelling REPRESENTATIVE or ESCALATE until the computer got tired of it and finally delivered me to a person. The person, who also not surprisingly had a sub-continent accent, was able to see my account, confirm my account, put me on hold, and then shuffle me off to some other department the name of which I could never understand. After being on hold another unfathomable period ("Your call is very important to us..."), I got to talk to a gentleman also bearing a sub-continent accent who was in fact able to help. He didn't put me on hold; he just let me listen to nothing for minutes on end. But he did do the deed, so I'm grateful.
    BUT! When I noted that I didn't have a debit card for the moment and would need a paper bill, he told me that would be an extra $4. Then I asked for an email bill which I could pay by check and never really got an answer, possibly because I was sore annoyed at this point and noted that I had been paying them $22. for nothing for years and could he maybe comp me a month? And amazingly, he did! Go Indian guy! Then he had to read me off my account terms twice (go figure) and give me an Earthlink confirmation number. ("It will be very useful for you." "For what?" No answer.)
    This whole adventure took more than a half hour on the phone, plus the Live Chat. At the beginning of the phone call and on the website, Earthlink mentioned their award-winning customer service. I've been trying to imagine what award that could be. I'm thinking either one for hiring in Mumbai or something involving Old Nick. Has to be one or the other.