Extra bewildered

    I'm coming to terms with the idea that I'm not from this planet, that I wasn't made for this world, and that I'm never going to figure things out. In other words, I don't mind not getting the Big Picture. It's not getting the small picture that's starting to get on my nerves.
    Some time ago, I finally gave up on using regular brown rice in favor of instant brown rice. The latter is only instant relative to regular brown rice, but it's quicker and more reliable for a person like me who can mess up boiling water. I usually buy the boxed variety from Aldi, though the boxed variety from Publix appears to be identical. Today, due to keen anal retentiveness, I had an open box from Aldi, an unopened box from Aldi, and an unopened box from Publix I bought today. The old box from Aldi (which judging by the Best By dates is actually the new box from Aldi), anyway the open one, directs one to simmer the rice for 5 minutes. The new (or previously unopened) box from Aldi says to go for 12 minutes. The Publix one also votes for 5.
    Now I didn't have enough rice in the old box to produce the "What if Napoleon's Grande Armee drops by?" quantities that I prefer, so I had to mix them, and that's when I noticed the conflicting directions. I split the difference, more or less, and went with 10 minutes which seemed to work. But I'm still puzzled. Both boxes say they contain parboiled brown rice. Only difference is that the long directions box also says Made in the USA. Maybe we don't know how to parboil in the USA? Anyway, they could at least label the box Increasingly Less Instant Brown Rice, don't you think?
    This was going to be about something just as puzzling, but less supper-related (one hopes). At Target, on the clearance rack, they were selling Superman boxer shorts. Attached was a small brown paper bag, also featuring the Superman shield. Now at first, this was what was puzzling me, but at length I figured out that it was meant to be a gift bag and you would fold up the boxers and put them in, thus surprising and delighting your potential Man of Steel. But what bewilders me now is that the boxers and indeed the bag were both distressed, as in the Superman shield looked worn and bedraggled. This would make it the great sarcastic gift of all time, but I can't really see what the DC & Warner Brothers (according to the labelling, they were in on it) people were thinking. The only thing that doesn't bewilder me is why it was on the clearance rack.